im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
