you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
