I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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