Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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