If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
