just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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