I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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