Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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