If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
