no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
