How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
