we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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