Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
