do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
two words: eviction party
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
