i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
