She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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