sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
