Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize