i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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