It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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