Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
