I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
