My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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