I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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