So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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