You really coming over, don't trick.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
