bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
