maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
