Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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