A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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