____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
