If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
be right there i have to get my cape
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
