you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
