$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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