My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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