This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
