It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
