i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
