would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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