i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
