I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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