I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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