google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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