good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
