So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
