His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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