I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
