If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
