My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
