Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
