some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
