my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I lost the right to judge tonight
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
