Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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