i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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