i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
