just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
