There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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