can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
