What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
