Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
