well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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