If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
