i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
